Reverse Foodhackery

Middle-class people a) have money and b) worry they're eating wrong ALL THE TIME. Admit it. Just looking at those Pot Noodle pots makes you go all excited and self-loathing, doesn't it?
Food companies know this, which is why they charge more for food that looks like it'll be healthy somehow... even if it isn't.
So here's the real deal - how to swap earnest-looking products that will still make you fat for gacky nice ones that'll make you happy.

INSTEAD OF: Tyrrell's Lightly Sea Salted Potato Chips, at 208 calories and 11g of fat
SWAP FOR: Salt and Vinegar flavour Space Raiders, at 74 calories and 3.5g of fat. The classic mouth-wincing, cat-hating* nano-lovelies.

INSTEAD OF: Tesco Finest Chicken, Bacon and Avacado Sandwich at 450 calories and 22.2g of fat
SWAP FOR: Fridge Raiders Chicken Snacks, at 111 calories and less than 7g of fat per bag. (Yes, it's all about the raiders.) Don't touch the Chinese Spare Rib ones though. They taste like battery acid. That's what you get for making a pork-flavoured chicken product.

INSTEAD OF: 50g of Jordan's Country Crisp Four Nut cereal, at 287 calories and 14.1g of fat
SWAP FOR: 50g of Kellogg's Frosties, at 283 calories and less than 0.5g of fat. Same calories, but bear in mind that 50g of Tony's Pride is a lot bigger than 50g of super-dense Country Crisp.

What do you mean, these aren't like-for-like comparisons and don't take into account any kind of nutritional value? What are you, some kind of communist?

*It's on the back of the packs. We'll show you one of these days.